Still Intact

Last night was a much needed fun escape from the horrors of being on a fixed budget after buying my first condo (see right.)

It began with a matinee showing of Super Bad at Loews on Boston Common. Featuring heinous language, violence, toilet humor, and more raunch than a teen's wet dream, it was right up my alley. I give it an A-.

After the show, we shuffled on over to Shanghai Restaurant in the Chinatown/Theatre District area (see right.) If you like your bad service with a side of mausoleum-esque atmosphere then this is the place for you. Featuring 4 tables total, a bar with 4 stools, and 3 silent, mummified employees who eschew eye contact—the place left much to be desired. The only employee who did make eye contact was the gremlin in the kitchen who was periodically taking breaks from cooking the tasteless food to gawk shamelessly at my attractive friend. Stealing the show, however, was my fortune cookie. Managing to best even the rude waitstaff, it contained this gem:

"Today, your mouth might be moving but no one is listening."

Paying our bill we rushed back down the street to the theatre for an 8:05 showing of Stardust. The movie would have been pretty bland if it wasn't for Claire Danes, Bobby D., and Michelle Pfieffer. The story was cute and creative, Deniro's character unexpected, and the special effects good. The problem was the visible striving to be the next Princess Bride or Never Ending Story and falling short. I'll give it a B on merit.

As I was listening to the closing music and watching the credits to see the name of the cute hero actor, I leaned down to grab my bag (man-purse) only to discover its absence. Jumping up with trepidation I looked down the aisle floor searching for my perfect little bag. Dear God, my phone, camera, pills, ipod, and, most important, my journal are in that bag. Abandoning the rest of our group, I Snatched the hand of my friend Leanne and ran back to Shanghai Restaurant to see if a good Samaritan had discovered it and kept it safe.

Being completely ignored by the oblivious employees, it was easy to skulk around the restaurant looking for it on bended knee like it were a lost puppy. Spotting it behind the bar I let out a giant sigh of relief and crawled toward it. Tiny Asian feet inside tiny shoes intercepted my recovery. Looking up at the bartender I told him that I had just eaten here (sadly) and that it was my bag. He didn't seem convinced. I could see where he was coming from since the restaurant was just packed full of people and how could he possibly remember the only table who had just eaten there? I pleaded more in a language he didn't understand and pointed to the bag, making gestures of putting it over my shoulder and walking out the door. Wearing him down with my charades, gibberish, and native tongue, he acquiesced and stood aside.

I grabbed my bag and ran outside with it, rummaging through to see what had been ransacked and what the Gods had deemed necessary for me to keep. Everything was intact. I whipped out my cell phone to call the group I had just abandoned at the theatre to explain my behavior. Perhaps it wasn't the best decision to stop and make a phone call on the corner of a Chinatown street at night. A tall black man in a Red Sox cap tapped me on the shoulder while I was on the phone, asking:

"Hey big dude, when you get off the phone, can I ask you a question?"
First off—never call me "big dude" unless I've known you for 3+ years. Secondly, I know what you want to ask me—can I give you any money? And lastly, you're better dressed than I am with my Filene's Basement Bargain Bin t-shirt and tattered jeans—why ask me for money?

I nodded to the scary stranger, exchanged a scared look with Leanne, and continued my phone conversation while taking baby steps down the sidewalk toward the subway. Taking the hint, the man gave up on waiting for me to finish my call and walked away. I hung up and we walked swiftly to the T-station.

All I could think of the whole way home was that when I start my own Fortune Cookie company, all of my fortunes will be as vicious as the insults in Super Bad.